But the second is a bit more nuanced. Having lost my grandmother only a few days before the birth of my son, I have been left to think about her legacy. I have, and continue to, mourn the loss of a woman I considered a friend and a role model. She was a person who, despite her imperfections, did most everything with a great sense of love and overarching desire to help. The fact that my son will not have a chance to meet her, hurts in a place and in a way that is indescribable.
Through all of this, it's been my reflection of her impact on my life that I have come to realize how great of an influence she was for those across her community, despite, and maybe even because of the fact, that she was "just" a homemaker. I wonder how many people she was able to befriend, comfort, console, or otherwise touch because she wasn't juggling the demands of a full time job as well as managing the well-being of her family.
This is in no way saying that she sat around and watched soap operas until she received a call for help. No, for a woman who never had a paying job during my life span, she always stayed busy. Whether she was volunteering at the library, or helping with a community fundraiser, or cooking food for the volunteer firefighters, or traveling with her husband to build churches across the country- her ability to make a difference was always apparent despite the lack of titles, promotions, or paychecks.
And I wonder if I'm that type of person.
I wonder if I am confident enough in myself that I don't have to purse those things that the rest of these world deems important. I wonder if I could go through life without constantly looking for the external gratification that is intrinsic in "full time" and "traditional" employment. I have come to wonder how many more times I might be able to give an excited "yes" to extemporaneous situations (picking that friend up from the airport, helping the neighbor who has lost a loved one, listened to the child with a newly broke heart) if I was a bit more gracious with myself in saying "no" to what the world seems to demand.
I wonder if I could fill the role of just being a homemaker.
Image: Elizabeth Lies via Unsplash